BDSM Terms & Definitions

  • Age Play
    Role-playing the persona of someone substantially younger (or sometimes older) than your actual age.
  • Bondage
    Physical materials applied to a submissive or slave to restrain their ability to move and/or to otherwise restrict them. Also, the act of placing the submissive or slave in such materials.
  • Bottom
    A slang term for a submissive and/or masochist. Many people use the word “bottom” to mean specifically someone who enjoys being given various sensations, as opposed to a “submissive”, who enjoys being controlled.
  • Bottom Space
    The psychological “head space” or attitude of being submissive.
  • Boy
    A submissive (often, but not always, male) who relates to their dominant in a child-to parent mode. More common among gay men and lesbians.
  • Brat
    A submissive who enjoys rebelling in a childlike way against their dominant. Brats are fairly common in the spanking scene.
  • Consensual
    An activity done with the consent of adults competent to give that consent. One of the central features of SM play
  • Counting Games
    Rituals engaged in during whipping, flogging, spanking , or during other forms of flagellation, in which the submissive (or slave) is required to keep count f the number of strokes delivered, often thanking the Master after each one and asking for more. Example: “Thats five, Sir. Thank you Sir, Sir, please may I have another, Sir?”
  • Daddy
    A dominant (usually, but not always, male) who has a submissive “boy” and who relates to that submissive in a parent/child mode. More common among gay men and lesbians, but gaining currency among heterosexuals and bisexuals as well.
  • Discipline
    Training by a Master in how they wish their submissive or slave to behave. Also, the punishment and correction administered by the Master when the submissive fails to act in the proper manner.
  • Dominant
    One who enjoys assuming control. One who decides what happens and when. A dominant may or may not be sadistic.
  • Flagellation
    The general act of one person striking another, usually in an erotic context. Includes spanking, paddling, flogging and whipping.
  • Flogger
    A multi-tailed whip in which the tails are long, flat strips of leather or a similarly flexible material.
  • Humiliation
    Activities which cause the submissive to feel shame, embarrassment, or degradation. Varies widely from person to person. Possibly psychologically explosive…
  • Master
    A term for a male dominant. Often used as a term of address, such as “Master Tom”. It is often considered somewhat rude to address a man by this term without being first given permission to do so.
  • Master-slave Relationship
    An ongoing SM relationship in which the slave is submissive to a male dominant.
  • Monday Morning Rebound Syndrome
    Feelings of remorse, disgust, fear, and so forth that sometimes emerge hours or days after a person willingly, and often lustily, takes part in SM play.
  • Mummification
    Immobilizing bondage, usually done by wrapping the submissive in many coils of materials such as plastic wrap, or by placing the submissive in a body bag designed for this purpose.
  • Novice
    A person just beginning to learn about and explore SM. Often treated with special kindness and attention by the more experienced members of the community or by the MASTER.
  • Sadist
    As loosely defined with the SM Community, a person who specifically enjoys administering pain. A person may be dominant without being sadistic. It’s also possible to be sadistic without being dominant.
  • Sadomasochism
    A rather vague term referring generally to fantasies and experiences regarding the introduction of domination, submission, bondage, sadism, masochism, humiliation, and related activities into erotic play.
  • Safeword
    A specific word or other signal used, by prior agreement, to indicate that things are “really” becoming too intense for the person. Usually used by the submissive or slave, but may also be used by the dominant. “Safeword” itself is sometimes used at SM parties to signal a desire for outside intervention.
  • Slave
    A person who has an on-going, structured relationship with a dominant or Master. One who assumes the submissive role, often in a highly developed and committed way to a particular person. Cling someone “my slave” generally indicates a relatively sophisticated, ongoing relationship between the two of you.
  • Submissive
    One who yields control. One who obeys orders and may permit themselves to be bound if doing so pleases their dominant or Master.
  • Top’s Disease
    An unwarranted attitude of superiority taken by a Dominant. Believing that bottoms are somehow inferior and treating them so in either obvious or subtle ways. Usually a sign of insecurity or ignorance. Dominants who suffer from Top’s Disease often (surprise, surprise) complain about how hard it is to find people willing to play with them. a mirror image of this syndrome is called Bottom’s Disease.
  • Two Squeezes
    A “squeeze signal” between players used to non-verbally signal that, “I’m all right.”
  • Worship
    To adore the personage of the dominant. Often combined with performing some service to the dominant’s body such as massaging, kissing, or licking their feet or boots, massaging their body, bathing them. Explicitly sexual activity, such as performing oral sex on the dominant, may or may not be a part of such play.

Written By Dvo

A Kinky Geek, MCR UK